Open University of Celestial Hardship (OUCH)
It's All Part of the Service - Printable Version

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It's All Part of the Service - Bren Genzan - 12-17-2011

Open University loves to bubble camp. As part of our null security survival training program, members of OUCH religiously bubble camp the same single system in Curse almost everyday. We do it to provide basic PvP training for our students, but admittedly, we just like it.

Unfortunately, we've recently discovered that bubble camping is NOT Real PvP. Truly, we did not know this. We don't know how this could have happened. We were trying so hard and it certainly seemed like PvP to us.

We have learned that from the POV of our adversaries, all OUCH does is gank 'poor innocent travelers' in pods, noobships and shuttles (not to mention pvp fit dramiels, vagabonds, and cynabals) when they land in our mobile warp disruptor bubbles. We dishonorably use ECM and EWAR to score cheap kills on Real PvP pilots just looking for a good fight (and a killmail or two). We don't even fly real ships, (just cheap cruisers and frigates, and "damned cloakies"). And when a fleet of Real PvPers (in HACs and BCs) comes in, we hide instead of giving them a "good fight".

Damn. You caught us. Guilty as charged. Mea culpa.

What our detractors don't understand is OUCH provides a valuable service. We provide ready targets for solo pilots and small gangs on roams, looking for something to do. Sometimes we fight (and kill) cruiser and battlecruiser gangs who fly all the way (or titan bridge) from their home bases to get a shot at killing noobs who don't do Real PvP.

Now, sometimes we just safe up and watch them kill our bubble. It happens. You just can't please everyone. Bubbles are cheap.

Either way, we give these pilots something to do. Sometimes, we send them home in pods, where they can complain to their mates that Real PvPers don't use ECM. Alternately, they go home in their ships, pausing only to call us rude names for not engaging their 6 (sometimes 20) ship BC gang with a handful of frigs and cruisers.

Either way, if OUCH didn't provide this vital service, many of our adversaries would just roam through Curse bored to tears, flying from gate to gate with nothing to do. For these pilots, OUCH brings vitality to otherwise boring lives.

Here's feedback from interaction with some of our adversaries:

* "Don't you guys get bored doing the same stuff everyday?"

* "Everyone in Eve knows about your stupid bubble camp."

* "I'm going to have to come back and grief you everyday now."

* "Fight me, or I'll kill your bubble."

* "I still like you guys, I just hate what you do."

* "We would have owned you if it wasn't for that Blackbird."

* "You obviously don't know what a good fight is."

* "Come on kids, go to bed already."

* "You guys suck."

Sometimes we wonder if it's worth it, bubble camping a small unimportant system trying to teach new players that null sec doesn't have to be scary. It's testimonials like these that keep us doing what we do.

And for that, we like to send a "Thank You" to all of our happy customers.

Originally posted on The Travels of Black Claw, September 2011.